Friday, September 5, 2008

When it Rains ...

Some people say "Count your blessings". They say it so much and so often, that it has been immortalized into posters, greeting cards and Power Point slideshows. It's a saccharine, idiotic, Christian-Precious-Moments saying. Or maybe I feel about it so because I immediately associate it with an idiotic Precious Moments poster that was taped on the principal's office wall in my Catholic school.

Now, "count your miseries" is something you don't hear much at all. It sounds like an emo thing to say, it may indeed brush along the lines of something Tim Burton would make an animated movie about ... but I think it might also help put things in perspective.

- A few weeks ago a friend finally broke up with his long-time girlfriend, after long months of toiling and pushing towards a fruitful relationship. It failed, and he's now cycling between depression and mania.

- A week ago, Eze's grandfather died. It was sort-of-unexpected: he apparently hit his head, and his cranium filled with blood. He died of associated respiratory complications (as he had signed a form asking NOT to be put in a respirator).

- Things at the office are NOT looking up:
-- Work-wise, it's chaos. Deadlines are being forced upon the staff, and the best word to describe the general reaction is "mutiny".
-- The boss's ex-wife (and mom to one of my close friends)was found to have a brain tumor. It's suspected to be malignant (a grade 2 glioma, to be exact). My friend relocated to Texas to take care of her mom and keep her company, which is totally understandable and fair and right... but it has created a palpable "hole" in this office.

- My grandfather died last night. Bone cancer. Spent the last year or so wanting to die. Last night he got his wish. Most of us are thankful, since it means the end of his plight, but we're all joined in this bitter grief. His relief is ours to a certain extent, but we will still miss him. Besides, what really breaks my heart is the fact that I never got to see him again after 1995, and my father didn't get to say "Goodbye".

- Yesterday I had a bilateral breast MRI done. The doctor found a tumor, something of a change since last time I was checked (2 years ago). I'm petrified by fear (I'm a high risk patient for breast cancer).

- Two of our closest friends are going through more or less the same fucked up romantic situation. Girl leads on. Guy falls hard. Girl turns out to be dating someone else. It's harsh, and having it happen in stereo is baffling.

- I went swimming: 50 meters. Nothing huge, just to check on my condition to see if I can use the Natatorium facilities. I pass, but barely: my lungs almost give out of the effort, and I realize that 8 years of smoking have taken a BIG toll. I quit smoking. I'm trying really hard to stay "quit", but all other aforementioned miseries are making it hard to stick to my guns.

One blessing though: The urge to cry is far stronger than the urge to smoke. Isn't life grand!


MissTat said...

Me hubiera gustado estar ahí para que me contaras todo esto en persona y no tenerme que enterar de esta forma. Siento mucho lo de tu abuelito, pero definitivamente está mejor ahora ( eso es lo único que hay que decir.) Por lo de tu salud, tranquila. This situation with my mom has taught me to not get too ahead of myself. Just take it one day at a time en cuestión de averiguar bien lo que es, etc. Cuentas con mi apoyo y amistad aunque por estas semanitas, de lejos. Te quiero mucho, Titi Diana

Pepe said...

A pesar de la lluvia de miseria, quiero que sepas que te aprecio muchisimo y que se que lo que estas (estamos) pasando no es facil.

Nada, just thought I'd let you know that in between all these sad, fucked up things, you and Eze are the light of my life and I couldn't make it without you guys.


Geraldine said...

There's not much left to say, except I sympathize with you and Eze. I am sorry for your losses and for the very bad times you are going through.

I hope things get brighter fast for you.

As an echo to the title of your post : Every cloud has a silver lining.

Yeah, I'm incurably positive, even though life is more than often crappy with me too. Keep your head out of the water, keep your hands away from the deadly smokes and take in as much beauty as you can find. Your mirror will be a good place to start with every day !!^ ^

With my condolences and sympathy,