Playlists - Intro and Part 1 of 9: A Cry From the Inside

Since the era of the mix-tape I’ve always been fascinated by playlists. I love making them, and I believe some insight can be gained to the way a person’s mind works by looking at his or her playlists. Since the invention of social websites and rings, I’ve encountered a few invitations to make up “The Soundtrack of Your Life” by determining which song fits this or that special event in your life. Later on, the web itself has spawned more than a few music-profile websites (see: Last.FM, Pandora Radio, eMusic) in which you make your own playlists by listening to the music you love, and in the process discover new things to like.

My listening habits have obviously changed from the time I taped songs off the radio (in an attempt to save a few bucks, ‘cuz it’s not easy for a 12-year-old to come by $15 to buy a cassette just for the one song she likes). In the process, my playlists have become more varied, motley if you will, and yet, I always come back to the basics, to the songs that were the soundtrack to my puberty, to my childhood even.

I want to share the playlists that have recently taken residence in my iPod (yeah, that creaking antiquity of an iPod Photo which no one has anymore). You might find some things as embarrassingly commonplace as a Thalía hit (because, come on, admit it! There was at least one time in your life in which you danced to Menudo in diaper-clad bliss. Or perhaps there was at least one marquesina party in which you enjoyed Richard Marx more than you’d care to admit….). Likewise there are things so obscure that they never left the household (like the enjoyable song blueprints my brother used to cook up with Fruity Loops).

My intention, however, is not to bedazzle anyone with my hipness or my musical knowledge. I know I possess neither of those things. But I do have an immense desire to finally share some of my feelings about the music I love without limiting myself to rigid formats, without having to wait for the inspiration to review the latest album by Björk (which I loved, by the way, but I rarely ever know how to express my reactions logically enough to call it a review).

So, without further ado, I introduce my Playlist series, in which I shall post almost every day one of my 9 playlists, including a heartfelt description and explanation of why I decided to put all that music together under one (very unapt) title.


A Cry From the Inside

This was actually one of the most whimsical playlists to make. It includes songs and pieces which to my ears sound as if they were truly heartfelt. It could be the quiver of a violin line, or the sound of a broken heart through a skillful voice, what places these pieces together is that they earnestly pluck the heartstrings.

Unfairly enough, this is the only playlist to feature Antony and the Johnsons. Such a beautiful voice should be given more chances to be heard. However, as with other artists and albums, I haven’t fully gotten to the groove of Mr. Johnson just yet.


"Why won't you listen to me more, you bitch!?"

Artists prominently featured in this playlist are:


Deftones – Chino Moreno’s voice, though not exactly artful in the classical sense, has always managed to give me the shivers. So it has come to be that the music by his band is not only one of my favorites, but it also brings not-so-distant memories flooding back, feelings of misplaced hopefulness included.



Superaquello – This band, contrary to Antony, is repeated over and over throughout most playlists. It’s my favorite local band, and with good reason too. Eduardo and Patricia (the lead singers) can swing your mood around into “Play Time”, just as well as they can reach into your throat to squeeze those tears out. If you add to that mix the incredible talent of their fellow bandmates (Francis, Jorge and Pablo), you get an all around Cry-and-Dance Machine.


The Cranberries – My high school sweetheart introduced me to this band back in 1994. The Cranberries made up a huge chunk of the soundtrack to those memorable years. The transition into college included a compulsive obsession to look like Dolores O’Riordan, and songs like “Empty” and “Disappointed” accompanied resentful tears when I started a custom of fighting with Dad. Even later on, the album Bury the Hatchet was the background music to one of the most scarring moments in my life. Dolores’s voice is a fixed feature in my life.

Other artists worth mentioning in this playlist are Damien Rice, whose heartbreak anthem, “Cheers Darlin”, I adopted off the one that now sleeps by my side; Marianne Faithfull, with the crooner “Who Will Take My Dreams Away”, which was shared between two excellent movies I loved: The City of Lost Children and La Fille Sur Le Pont; Múm, which you will notice is a recurrent artist among my playlists; and likewise, Tori Amos.




Download A Cry From the Inside.doc

In Shambles

Well ... I've just watched what usually counts as a season finale for Season 2 of the "new" Dr. Who series, and all I can say is ... I'm in shambles. I'm aware that I'm way behind schedule (I think they're past Season 3 now), but I've been watching it slowly in my own time ... so I got there now.

Earlier on in the evening I heard one of the most touching songs I know (again), and it touched me to the core (again!). I was planning on making an entry on it later on, but after watching this last episode ("Doomsday"), it's heartbreaking to see how much one fits the other ... tragic, really.



Do You Realize?
by The Flaming Lips


Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

Little Notes #5: Obsessive Compulsions, a Sci-Fi crush (again), E-mail Forwards and Changes Afoot

Can one have a musical OCD? Or maybe like a piece so much you could listen to it all day long in a 24-hour-long loop? A month or two ago, Eze introduced me to a long-standing British sci-fi series called Dr. Who. I didn't realize I had become hooked in 2-ep's time until I heard the theme again yesterday, and my veins started to itch! Hahahaha!!!



It's a fucking catchy tune!

Which brings me to my latest crush ... goddamned British charm!

Cristopher Eccleston, the ninth Doctor Who in the series, coincidentally the only season I've watched so far. And oh man, is he charming! **drool**

Okay! Rant over, next!


Dad sent me another of his usual forwards (sometimes the prove to be sappy, sometimes - however - it's worth it. This one started sappy, but I realized it talks to us, to women all around, openly and frankly. I'll share it here. Maybe it will help brighten someone else's day too. :-) (btw: sorry if you're an unlikely English-only speaker)

De un hombre... ¡a una buena amiga suya!
A todas mis amigas ...... ¿Han escuchado a alguna mujer preocuparse por haber subido unos kilos demás? En realidad.... a nosotros los hombres,no nos importa cuanto pesan.

1) Es fascinante TOCAR, ABRAZAR Y ACARICIAR el cuerpo de una mujer. PESARLA, no nos produce ningún efecto.

2) No tenemos la menor idea de lo que es una talla. Nuestra evaluación es VISUAL. Es decir, si tiene forma de guitarra, está buena. No nos importa cuanto mide en centímetros. Es una cuestión de proporción, no de medida.

3) El prototipo IDEAL del cuerpo de una mujer, ... son las modelos de almanaques de gomería. Curvilíneas, pulposas, femeninas... esa clase de cuerpo que de un solo golpe de vista uno identifica sin duda alguna y en una fracción de segundo: MUJER. Las flaquitas que desfilan en las pasarelas, siguen la tendencia diseñada por modistos, que dicho sea de paso, son TODOS GAYS, y odian a las mujeres y compiten con ellas. Sus modas, son lisa y llanamente, agresiones al cuerpo que odian.

4) No hay belleza más irresistible en la mujer que la FEMINIDAD Y LA DULZURA. La elegancia y el buen trato.

5) El maquillaje se inventó para que las mujeres lo usen. Úsenlo. PARA ANDAR CON LA CARA LAVADA ESTAMOS NOSOTROS.

6) Es una ley de la naturaleza que todo aquel que se casa con una modelo flacucha, anoréxica, bulímica y nerviosa al poco tiempo esta aburrido de ella

7) Entendámoslo de una vez: traten de gustarle A SU PAREJA, no a lo que opinan sus amigas, nunca van a tener una referencia objetiva de cuan lindas son, de mujer a mujer. Ninguna mujer va reconocer JAMAS delante de un tipo que otra mujer está linda.

8) Las jovencitas son lindas...pero las de 35 para arriba, SON LA EXPRESION PLENA DE LA BELLEZA FEMENINA.

9) El cuerpo CAMBIA. Crece. No pueden pensar sin estar sicóticas, que les puede entrar el mismo vestido que cuando tenían 18 años. Además, a una mujer de 35, 45 o 55 que le entre la ropa de cuando tenía 18, o tiene problemas de desarrollo, o se está auto-destruyendo.

10) Nos gustan las mujeres que saben manejar su vida con equilibrio y saben manejar su natural tendencia a la culpa. O sea: la que cuando hay que comer, come con ganas (la dieta, vendrá en septiembre, no antes); cuando hay que hacer dieta, hace dieta con ganas (no se sabotea ni sufre); cuando hay que comprar algo que le gusta, lo compra (no piensa en que le está quitando algo a sus hijos, sino que sabe que ella lo vale y por eso lo adquiere) cuando hay que ahorrar, ahorra (y no sufre pensando en lo que se priva, porque lo hace por algo).

11) Algunas líneas en la cara, algunos puntos de sutura en el vientre, algunas marcas de estrías, NO LES QUITAN SU BELLEZA. Son heridas de guerra ,testimonios de que han hecho algo con sus vidas, no han estado años en formol ni en un spa. Han VIVIDO. El cuerpo de la mujer es la prueba de que Dios existe. Es el sagrado recinto donde nos gestaron a todos los hombres, donde nos alimentaron, nos acunaron y que nosotros sin querer, arruinamos llenándolas de estrías, de cesáreas y demás cosas que tuvieron que ocurrir para que estemos vivos. Cuídenlo.

Cuídense. Quiéranse. La belleza es todo eso. Todo junto. Si la vida te da limones... ..entonces... HAZ LIMONADA!!!!! seamos felices.



And, to end this blog note in a dramatic fashion: today, I quit. :-)

Ta-ta!

Little Notes #4: Nothing's Gonna Change My World

... not even rain washing away my shoes.

This weekend was solidly interesting through & through.

On Friday evening we went to Plaza del Sol to get a broadband modem for the wireless internet service by Centennial. After the fiasco courtesy of Puerto Rico Telephone, anything looked better and more reliable than that. We got a visit by Pepe and Rebecca later that night, and one of our first internet hits was the following video:



Across the Universe by Fiona Apple (written by John Lennon)

The video is an instant classic, excellently made, and the song is wonderfully haunting (and by "haunting" I mean "the kind of song that sticks into your head and won't let you go"). I always disliked Fiona Apple a little bit, it was a visceral reaction, I guess. This video changed my mind: I might welcome her soon into my iPod.


I dedicated Saturday to sleeping, tidying up the house a bit more, watching a movie (developing a crush on a gringo in the process - that's SO unlike me!). The day basically was about me waiting to go to a Balún show in Taller Cé at night. It was worth the wait, although the incredibly annoying overabundance of bums and hobos wasn't. It's like Taller Cé is the only place left around for them to go beg to.

However, one thing was timelessly relevant about the evening:

Pitagora Suicchi!


... march with the ninjas! march, march!!!


Sunday was a Sunday like I hadn't had in a long while. I cooked a nice, comforting breakfast (scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and toast, & coffee and orange juice) and then we went to Plaza del Sol to return the Centennial broadband router (a flopping failure, although without the bitter taste of rejection as was with PRT). We decided to go shop then for a fan and some other stuff for the apartment, and apparently in the meanwhile all heaven broke loose and cried a river onto Bayamón. I had to sprint across half a parking lot to get to my car, almost lost my slippers in the process, and had to do half that sprint barefoot. My feet still hurt.

I drove Eze to Borders (he had a 2-to-11PM shift) and I stayed a while keeping him company until his shift started. Found some nice flats @ Journeys (Volatile Demi Polka Dot, in red ... not shown above ¬_¬ no pics of my red shoes to be found anywhere on the net). They were on sale and they felt so warm and toasty!!! ^_^

And as soon as I felt the warmth enveloping my feet, somewhere in my mind a tiny Fiona A. sang:

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world

The Other Side of "Closer"

Thanks to PandoraFM (one of the hybrids Ezequiel mentioned in Frecuencias Alterna's blog), I found "the softer side of Closer".

While Nine Inch Nails has created an anthem for gritty, dirty, animal-like sexuality, The Tiny offers through lyrics and video the raw reality of what human relationships go like.

Now I'm thinking maybe, I was stoned
I felt my feet lift off the ground
And my heart was screamin'
at my bones. I need you closer.
As he's in the middle of the street
then I pretend he's mine to keep.
Cars are running fast on both sides
of his head
as his eyes ain't closin'
closer closin'
I met him when the sun was down
The bar was closed
we both have had no sleep
My face beneath the street lamp
it reveals what it is lonely people see
closer closer
closer closer
And you're close enough to lose
close to the point to where you know that your mind
it cannot chose
close enough to lose
close enough to lose your heart
Now I'm thinking maybe
I was stoned I felt my feet lift off the ground
and my heart was screaming at my bones
I need you closer
closer closer
You met me whent he sun was down and the bar was closed
we both have had no sleep
my face beneath the street lamp
it reveals what it is lonely people see
closer closer
closer closer
than you're close enough to lose
close to the point where you know that your mind
it cannot choose
close enough to lose
close enough to lose
your heart

It's not easy to keep love as lively as when it begins. It's not easy to keep the heart of a relationship beating through hardships and emotional winters, while also keeping your own heart uplifted. Sometimes we draw apart, sometimes the space sneaks in between both hearts. As the honeymoon's over and the mold and soot of time start setting in, most of the times the butterflies in our stomachs die, queasiness ensues. We all want to believe love is forever, that our commitment will be effortless, that we're meant for each other without question and that life will make it so. Effortless love and commitment don't exist, though. The realization of this, and that you are two separate human lives struggling to stay together through thick and thin without losing your individuality ... that realization tastes of glum tears.

Now it's up to you then ... do you push on, for the sake of your love? Do you bail out for the sake of your self?

Or do you find a middle ground?

... Sometimes, we don't even get to the point of the realization, we don't get the chance to ask ourselves these questions, we don't get a chance to answer. Sometimes the space that sneaks in between your hearts does all the talking, you just get to walk away before it gets into your heart too.

So, I count myself fortunate to be able to ask and ponder. Those of us that do are the lucky ones.

Little Notes #1: On families, Cyberspace and Erotic Lyrics

* Last night we visited a new friend's home. We were kindly invited there to watch the Season Finale of Heroes. Our friend's family was the kindest ever: we got well fed, and they tended to us as if we were kings. Talk about warmth and welcome in a family! It's not so much that they had droves of platters filled with finger food, chocolate-covered strawberries and fritters. That was very nice, indeed (as was the excellent piña colada! Thanks, Rebecca!) It has much more to do with the attention, the immediate welcome, not as a guest, but as family. The warmth that enveloped me as soon as I went through the door could only be topped by the warmth I feel around my family and very close friends. It was glaringly obvious right then and there that this family is filled with love to give: as they shower each other with love and acceptance, the warmth around them grows, and we, the moths of affection, adore hovering around such a family's glowing hearth.

** A few things that have been happening in my personal life have made me reconsider my "cyberspace presence". Not so much that I want to run away and hide, but there are parts of me and my personal life that I want to keep out of people's radars. I realized today (by way of a small, insignificant detail) that there are people out there that will react passionately or violently to things I say or things I do, by which I mean no harm. In this particular situation, it was someone I don't even know, but there will be times in which it will be people I DO know ... and sometimes it will be people that don't like me, or people I don't like. Do I want to expose one of my hobbies (internet surfing) to the possibility of scrutiny and pollution by people who would otherwise never care?

I'm a decidedly private person (after a few years in which I kept myself and all nasty details of my life in the open). I don't want to be in the radar of just anyone who wants to be. (This blog is not part of what I'm reconsidering, though. I'm pretty sure of the things I write here and how they might look to the anonymous public who comes in to read it.) So you might see some changes soon in the things that compose my cybernetic presence...


*** Musical Erotica ... Because these last few days, these two songs have been looping through my mind, perhaps little more than they should. Maybe my sensual side is calling for a renascent era ... or maybe I'm turning into a full fledged wiccan hippie and I don't know it yet ...

Oh well! Here they are... (both songs are from the 1973 version - the superior version!!! - of The Wicker Man)

Willow's Song
by Paul Giovanni

Heigh ho! Who is there?
No one but me, my dear.
Please come say, How do?
The things I'll give to you.
By stroke as gentle as a feather
I'll catch a rainbow from the sky
And tie the ends together.
Heigh ho! I am here
Am I not young and fair?
Please come say, How do?
The things I'll show to you.
Would you have a wond'rous sight
The midday sun at midnight?
Fair maid, white and red,
Comb you smooth and stroke your head
How a maid can milk a bull!
And every stroke a bucketful.

Maypole Song
by Paul Giovanni

In the woods there grew a tree
And a fine fine tree was he

And on that tree there was a limb
And on that limb there was a branch
And on that branch there was a nest
And in that nest there was an egg
And in that egg there was a bird
And from that bird a feather came
And of that feather was
A bed

And on that bed there was a girl
And on that girl there was a man
And from that man there was a seed
And from that seed there was a boy
And from that boy there was a man
And for that man there was a grave
From that grave there grew
A tree

I think I finally turned into a total nature-loving, tree-hugger hippie :-\